tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I will pee on everything he values.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
