we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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