dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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