Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
