you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
