I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
