I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
