Sponge bath it is.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
So many bounce houses so little time
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
