I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
