Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
