omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
