ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Randomize
