I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
