my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize