What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
