he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize