MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
