Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
