In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
