last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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