I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
