I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
