i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
