"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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