Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Bring me that man meat
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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