I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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