Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
