we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
