The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Randomize
