And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize