i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize