i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
