You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize