So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
