what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize