I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
