there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
