The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize