i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
