The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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