look no pants
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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