She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
