They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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