I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
