So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
