This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
