I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
