I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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