i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Randomize
