she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
