I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
