He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
