Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
