I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
