and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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