Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Randomize
