I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
either way he was missing a nipple.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
