This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Randomize
