She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
from now on my penis is your penis
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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