Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
