I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
