My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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