Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
