She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
