There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
