upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How drunk are you?
Completed.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
