he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
