The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
